The Tent

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It was the tent that finally did it.

It didn’t hit me, you know? For a whole year, it didn’t hit me. I had decided to end five years of travel in part due to a nasty coke addiction, but more so due to the loneliness that followed me no matter where I roamed. I longed for a place to call home. A someone to call home.

And so, having found those beautiful things, I sort of blocked it out of my mind. I made myself forget. Gone were the days of roaming freely from country to country. Far away was that beach in Mexico. My backpack stowed away, tent and sleeping bag always resting inside it atop the only shelf in my tiny Victoria apartment, I tried to forget it was there, and all that it meant.

Because it means so much happiness, and so much sadness. It represents every amazing moment when that car finally pulled over to pick me up hitchhiking. It is every time I felt completely alone in the world, fleeing to a new country, as if that would give me what I longed for. What I was looking for out there in the world will forever be unknown to me, but god damn, I was good at searching.

But it also represents everything good and bad in the now. My past, present, and future lie in that backpack, that tent, that sleeping bag. It is the home I’ve made with Reilly and the kittens, and the future that entails. It is the road I long for, but cannot return to, for it is my past. It is no longer where I belong – a bittersweet feeling of happiness for the sedentary life I’ve built and the sadness for leaving her, who I was, behind.

It was the tent that finally did it. It was the thought of selling my tent for a bigger one to fit Reilly as well. But she would never be my tent. No, my tent is ultralightweight. ULTRA, fuck. She is beautiful, and I love her. But she is also a two man tent – so a one (wo)man and her shit. I’d be downgrading to up in size. And that makes sense, and we can split the weight, but it isn’t the same. The tent I buy would be a tent. The tent that traveled with me, that was my home, my saviour, indeed my love, being sold would mean the true end of an era.

And just like that, it all came flooding back, for better or worse.

It was the tent that finally did it.

MEC Mountain Equipment Co-op

Danie

Danie is a lovable and insane digital nomad of sorts. If you ever wondered what's a nomad, you've come to the right place. She enjoys oversharing, telling every detail of her life, and chilling on the beach, among other things. Danie is rather odd, and she likes it that way. Be sure to subscribe to hear more of her ramblings, and find out when Danie finally gets to fulfill her biggest dream: cuddling a platypus.

2 Comments:

  1. So are you back on the road?

    • Nope, I’m settling into sedentary life for the long haul. I love it, I really do. It’s just bittersweet. I do long for the road, for my tent, for the freedom… but what I have is so much more important now.

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