“This is the first time I’ve seen you smile!” My psychiatrist says as I enter his office on my third appointment.
After upping some meds and adding a new one, everything has changed. While the times where I’m left with nothing to do and no one to hang out with can be difficult, for the most part I feel almost… normal. I’ve started seeing old friends and finding productive things to do (like writing this blog post!)
He asked me what I planned for the future. Travel, of course, was my answer. But I’m not ready yet; still directionless and in need of coping mechanisms for the solo nomad life (and in deep search for hobbies for a girl who’s never had a hobby in her life), I must remain in Edmonton… for now. Plus, I’m getting my hopes up about the new meds, but you never know. These things take time to fully assess.
Then the psychiatrist asked, “Do you plan to have a relationship, kids, a career?” I immediately laughed. “Definitely not kids or a career!” He smiled, “Not a career? But how will you make money?”
That’s when I realized how mother fucking proud I am of myself. I explained how for three and a half years on the road I always found a way. Sometimes it’s stressful not knowing how I’m going to make money, but it only brings out my resourcefulness. It inspires others. It shows everyone it’s all possible. Nah, I don’t want a career; I want to see where I take myself.
And I’m back on my way to taking myself there – though with much work left to do – wherever there may be.
PS Thanks for all the love and support received from my post on how severe depression feels. We are never alone, even when we forget that.