“This is good. But as far as I can tell it’s still heavy as hell when it’s good. And I do like the road but I’d be better at home.” -Dan Mangan
This will be my last entry from Mancora.
Wow, that’s a weird thing to type for me. I’ve been here over a month, and it feels like so much longer. It’s surreal to imagine myself not in this beach town. I walk around either in a bathing suit or bra. When I wear shirts they can’t really be called shirts. I do nothing all day, I bartend (which is nothing), I just… pass the time with the people who pass through and, most importantly, my fellow coworkers.
But something started feeling not right. It started a few days ago – I started craving home. So much. And I let it dwell for a few days. I kept on drinking and hanging with people, but I think they picked up on my being a bit off. I spent more nights listening to music on the beach with a beer than sitting at the bar partying as I usually do.
So today I decided to fly home early. I changed my flight, and I booked a bus ticket out of Mancora. It will be a 14 hour bus ride to Quito, Ecuador, followed by a god-knows-how-long bus ride to Bogota, Colombia, and then the flight. I leave here Monday afternoon, giving me until Thursday afternoon to get to my plane in Bogota. Quite the rush indeed.
But how could I finish my trip in any other way? I’m crazy, and anyone reading this should be well aware of that fact by this time. I began my trip lost and looking for something I couldn’t put my finger on. Theo, Rowan, and Hanna – I cannot thank you three enough for being you. You three, I mean this with all my heart, are the soul reason I came to South America. You three are very special souls, and you gave me what I needed. I needed to find myself again. And after so long of not seeing her, I see her. And you three are why I’m leaving. You helped me find myself, and I needed to listen to me again. I went a long time unable to make decisions. I remember friends who I asked for advice constantly saying, “You know what to do, I can’t tell you,” but I would always reply, “No, I really don’t know!” And I didn’t. I was so lost.
I sat out on the beach today trying to make my decision. I thought to myself, “Do I really want to go home?” and the resounding YES came almost instantly. Then I asked, “Will I regret this decision?” and the huge NO came just as fast.
Theo, Rowan, Hanna, Ed, Sandra, Cyril, Tyler, Juan, and Franz: I love you all more than you will ever know. Thank you for everything you have given me, and everything you have shown me without ever trying.
So, from the computer room at the Point hostel, Mancora beach, I raise my beer to you guys: to pirate night, german sparkle party, werewolf vs stripper, rave, full moon, to Rowan’s lame jokes, to Theo’s stick, to when you all knew when I wasn’t feeling quite right without me saying a word, to the girly chats with Hanna, to the deep conversations with you all, to Sandra’s understanding ways and every sort of chat, to Juan’s jokes and signs, to Franz’s hugs, to the kitchen staff calling me fat and pregnant, to the alphawhores, to the munchie runs to town (especially that one day I asked if anyone needed anything in town and EVERYONE gave me at least 3 things they wanted), to the staff room, to the endless laughter with Ed, to Hanna’s constant tokes, to Cyril being quiet and suddenly throwing in a “that’s what she said” at the precise right moment, and to his secret other side, to every day spent bartending, to the staff meeting where we learned to make cocktails and drink them, to shark man, to both trips, to the melting sun, to Tyler’s constant jokes, to mine and Ed’s sex chats, to being half naked every day all day, and, most of all, to all of your understanding of my insane ways… to every beautiful moment spent here… Cheers my friends. Thank you more than you will ever know.