Budget Travel Calculator? Throw it out.
Last summer I hitchhiked across Canada. It was an amazing adventure bringing me over 7,000 km across the country (and then back). But when I left Victoria, my starting point, I had a whopping $40 to my name. I don’t exactly use a budget travel calculator, and no one was about to give me a personal loan.
So I must be the budget travel expert, right? I must have read a thousand articles on how to travel on the cheap to get where I am… Right?
So, so wrong. For one, I detest these guides as they all have the EXACT SAME ADVICE, plus it’s mostly useless crap (unless you find an article that’s actually helpful, like these handy suggestions). Let me elaborate…
1. Take the bus or train rather than renting cars to save money!
Are you freakin’ kidding me? While busses might be cheap in Peru or Cambodia, they sure as hell aren’t in Scandinavia. Am I only allowed to travel cheap countries until I’m rich… so until forever? Well that sucks.
Stick. Out. Your. Thumb. You want budget transportation? There she is. So many people tell me I’m brave because I hitchhike, and although it’s flattering, it’s also totally untrue. I just believe there are good people out there, and then it’s easy.
2. Cook your own meals to save on expensive restaurant fees!
But… but budget travel gods, I’m a terrible cook… Shall I live off stir frys alone? And so for a while I do, until one day I’m starved half to death, and will probably punch anyone who tells me to eat a stir fry directly in the face.
A person needs variety. A person needs proper food. And not all of us can cook. Sometimes I just go to the most expensive restaurant because it’s the closest and I’m hangry… even if it means spending the last of my money. Nope, no budget travel calculator here either.
3. Staying in each place longer will save on transportation costs.
So now you’re acknowledging the cost of transportation? Sigh. Not all of us want to stay anywhere on our travels for long. So, you know, useless. We will stay if we wanna stay, and go when we wanna go.
4. Don’t go out partying and you will save oh so much money.
The fuck? Really? I don’t get to go out drinking? Like ever? Unless I take it out of tomorrow’s stir fry budget? Well… Shit!
I frequently spend the last of my money on beer! I also often go buy one single beer at a bar (while crossing my fingers there’s enough money in my bank account), and then make friendly conversation with those around me. Nine times out of ten I get at least one beer bought for me.
5. Okay budget travel gods, but what about ciggies? How do I budget for them?
And the budget travel gods become silent. Nope. If you’re a smoker you’re just fucked I guess. That doesn’t factor into a budget travel calculator.
Okay, I do love couchsurfing and use the site quite a lot. However sometimes you just aren’t social. You want to be ALONE. So… Where do I go, budget travel gods?
7. Stay in hostels!
Seriously? Do you know how much a bed in a dorm room costs in Australia or Iceland? Hovering around $30 per night, it adds up right quick. In what way is this a budget option? Why don’t you tell me how to scope out a good camping spot or a squat, or where to sleep in cities if need be? (My friend says where there are security guards, or train stations, etc.)
One thing that drove me nuts in New Zealand was when my ex and I were broke. I mean we were FLAT broke as we searched for work. We would tell people this, and they would reply, “Why don’t you stay in a hostel?” They couldn’t comprehend that we could only afford one meal a day for a few days and then no meals a day forever, and literally nothing else.
Budget travel guides offer basic advice that you should be able to figure out without reading it twenty thousand times, but don’t offer much REAL help. What do I do when I’ve hit $0 and I’m feeling pretty antisocial (but somehow the tobacco fairies have kept me high on nicotine)?
So here’s my secret… Are you ready?
I don’t travel on a budget, nor do I use a budget travel calculator. Like at all. (Though maybe if I was more responsible with them I could sign up for a credit card that actually helps me fly places on the cheap with points… unfortunately I’m far too irresponsible.) I’m amazing at saving money, but terrible at not spending it all. I love food. I love beer. I love going to a thrift shop and being able to buy BOTH shirts I wanted! I love pubs. I love coffee. I love travel knickknacks (new sleeping bag! external battery! STUFF!!!)
So I’m not a budget traveler in reality, I have my ups and downs financially (and otherwise). My secret is I just sort of accept it. I try (and fail) to budget whenever I have a few hundred bucks, but really I’m just experimenting and figuring out how best to survive when the money runs dry. Which it always does.
So if you ask how I afford to travel? I really don’t bloody know, and I damn well love those tobacco fairies (two and a half years on the road, never ran out of tobacco). I think as I keep moving I learn nothing about budgeting, but I learn to accept many things, simply going with it.
I am hungry – have a dollar can of chick peas.
I need a place to sleep – find somewhere to stash tent.
I need a beer – go order a water at the pub, beer will likely appear.
I smell – wash those stinky pits in the gas station bathroom.
So throw out that budget travel calculator and keep wandering.