Anxiety

Anxiety
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It’s something like this…

I should pack more of my room. But it’s only the beginning of the month. Yes, but I should get it done. But I don’t have anything to pack that I won’t need. Sure you do. Think think think.

I’m hungry. I should pack first, though.

But what can I pack? I don’t feel like packing. I really should. I haven’t done anything today. Oh my god I’ve done nothing today. What am I doing? Shit I need to pack. I won’t have time later. What if I don’t pack in time? What if I suddenly need to run off?

Where am I going? What if I run out of money? No, I won’t. It’ll all be fine. Why are you thinking so irrationally? You know it always works out, you know you’re organized, and if you needed you could pack everything in a day. But you really should start packing. Where are you going? What you pack to put in storage differs depending on if you’re going North or South. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? How much money do you have? You could go to Africa or the Philippines or Peru or Tofino or another island or Slab City or.. the options are endless. Oh my god what if I run out of money? What if I am even more unhappy elsewhere? Oh my god what am I doing, why am I doing this? Do I have any plan? Yes, pack. That’s the only plan. One step at a time. Pack. Oh my god what am I doing.

Better start packing. But what should I pack? No, no I don’t need to pack today. But maybe I should. NO! You know you don’t need to pack today. It’s way too early in the month to pack. You need most of your stuff. But maybe there’s a thing or two you could pack.

*Walks into room and looks blankly at objects*

I could pack this.. No, no I’ll need that. What about this? No, what if such in such happens? No, no there’s nothing to pack right now. This is stupid. Why are you so obsessed with packing right now? You have more than enough time. Just chill out. This is irrational

*Returns to living room. Sits down, smokes some herb.*

What was I about to do? Pack.. pack… but what to pack…

Then the thoughts slow… get confused within the relaxation that has surrounded me… but never gone… maybe I should smoke another bowl and then go pack… No, no, I have more than enough time. But maybe I could pack just a little something…….

 

Another day…

Fidgeting fidgeting fidgeting. Can’t stop moving. What was I doing? Right, right, rolling a smoke. Did I just have a smoke? Can’t remember. Gonna have a smoke. What was I gonna do after this smoke? Nothing, nothing. Just chilling. Maybe I was going to go to the bathroom. I get up, go to the bathroom, realise I have no need to go to the bathroom.  Walk back to living room. What was I doing? Kitchen.. kitchen. Fridge? No, no, not the fridge.. back to the couch. Oh, I should refill my half full water bottle. That must have been what I was going to do. Sit down. Grab quote book. Look at a page. Put it down. Look at the movies. Put one on. Play solitaire on iPod while watching. Get bored of solitaire. Have a cigarette. Look in the fridge. Sit back down. Color. Get bored of coloring. What was I going to do? I feel like I was going to do something. I need something to do with my hands. What was I going to do? Oh ya, I was rolling a smoke. Have smoke. I’ll open my computer and see if anyone’s on facebook to chat with while I watch this movie, ya. Oh, no one’s online. Scroll, scroll. Nothing interesting. What was I doing on the computer? Oh, right, stumbleupon. Stumble stumble. Nothing interesting. Tumblr? No, no, nothing of interest. Is anyone on facebook? Why did I turn this on? What’s going on in this movie? I should watch it. Oh, my water bottle needs more water, I’ll go refill it. Minesweeper, I was going to play minesweeper.

The mindless game continues for hours sometimes. My brain shuts down, and sweeping mines is all that is happening. Perhaps I spend hours playing Fable 2 instead. I am in Albion. No time to have a smoke. No time to go to the bathroom. No time to figure out something else to do. I am conquering trolls and bandits. I am killing a village. I am becoming a five star blacksmith. No room for other thoughts.

And then I am free for a time.

Danie

Danie is a lovable and insane digital nomad of sorts. If you ever wondered what's a nomad, you've come to the right place. She enjoys oversharing, telling every detail of her life, and chilling on the beach, among other things. Danie is rather odd, and she likes it that way. Be sure to subscribe to hear more of her ramblings, and find out when Danie finally gets to fulfill her biggest dream: cuddling a platypus.

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