28 More Things the Road Has Taught Me

Dingle Ireland

For part one, click here.

1. The word for “speed” in Norwegian is “fart”. So there are a lot of fart signs around.

2. There are 762 turns on the road between Pai and Chiang Mai in Thailand. Bring motion sickness meds you somehow mime your way to in Chiang Mai first.

3. Vegetarian haggis is a thing that exists. For real.

4. There is always somewhere to put up your tent. Sometimes that means walking for half an hour on insanely blistered feet only to pitch up next to an apartment building. But there’s always a way.

5. Sometimes blisters can be so massive that they require popping on four separate occasions.

6. If you miraculously score a ride on a famous band’s tour bus, the very first thing you will be told by the lead singer is not to shit in the toilet. Basically anything else goes.

7. Porn is illegal to watch in Thailand. No comment on how I figured that one out.

8. There are ways around sites being blocked. If you find a way, and then the next day the internet is out at your hostel, you will certainly fear you broke the internet and the police are coming to throw you in jail. Feel relieved when the internet comes back.

9. A lot of countries really have their hate on for the English. Sorry guys, but your ancestors did rape and pillage the entire planet.

10. In the 60s it was apparently possible to buy a farm in Thailand for a bag of tobacco and a machete.

11. The Polish will always feed you. It’s amazing, and I would be obese if I lived there.

12. Danie means dish in Polish.

13. I would have been in jail for being unemployed had I been around during the Soviet era.

14. It’s rude to walk barefoot in Thailand. I am so happy I was told this right at the beginning.

15. Many flights bound for New York on 9/11 were diverted to Gander Island, Newfoundland. Their population shot from 10,000 to nearly 17,000 for a few days. Locals came over to bring food, and tell people they could come over for a shower, because they’re Newfies, and they’re the best of the human race. I was told this by an Irishman, of his first trip to North America, New York bound.

16. In the Ukraine, it’s perfectly acceptable to buy a $3 bottle of wine in duty free, and then proceed to walk around the airport drinking it. “It’s normal,” the Ukrainian woman working at duty free said without a hint of emotion.

17. The word for “out” in Welsh is “allan”, but all the signs are written in both Welsh and English. I craved a travel buddy named Allan in Wales so that I could yell at him, “ALLAN! OUT!” I yelled it at my Scottish buddy (whose name is not Allan) instead.

18. Just because your shoe is falling apart does not mean you should buy new shoes immediately. Instead, buy electrical tape and wrap that shoe up daily until you reach cheaper territories.

19. Electrical tape is a tenth the price of duct tape in Iceland.

20. It really is possible to earn money from a travel blog. Or you could just work for a travel blogger instead. Make sure to pat his head and offer him chocolate periodically, even if it’s invisible head pats and chocolate.

21. I get skinny in cheap countries and fat in expensive countries. I don’t understand it any more than you do.

22. Hot springs you can actually bathe in are difficult to find while freezing in Iceland. They are, however, all over the place when you’re sweating in Thailand.

23. Seaweed flavored Lay’s chips. That’s all I have to say.

24. Crocodiles come in all shapes and sizes. Freshwater crocs are delightful to hang out with by the lake, while salties will eat you alive.

25. Weddings in Thailand are totally and completely different from in Western cultures.

26. A lot of countries seem to think that street signs aren’t necessary on every street. You guys are bloody well wrong.

27. Platypuses are not extinct, and I don’t know why I ever thought they were. They live in Australia, and they are poisonous. My biggest dream on earth is to one day cuddle a platypus.

28. There are tiny ants in Thailand and sometimes they manage to get in your mouth. They taste like a piece of burning tobacco on your taste buds.

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  • 3 Comments:

    1. Why is your last post from November? I just discovered your blog and I’ve been binge-reading for like an hour, I love your stories. Please write some more.

      And yes, platypus is possible the best animal on the planet.

    2. Pingback: 26 Things the Road Has Taught Me in the Last Two Years - Like Riding a Bicycle...

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